"On 'Real ID' Day, California DMV Lives-Down to Expectations" by Daniel Guss
If you think the DMV in-person experience is bad, just wait'll you try its technology.
Happy May 7th, everyone!
Today’s the day by which everyone “must” have a federal Real ID in order to board a flight, regardless of destination.
Kind of.
But not really.
Instead, you can use a passport. Or one of eleven other types of federal ID. Or just a state-compliant driver’s license. Or just understand that your travel may be delayed to confirm your identity.
It took our governments TWENTY years to take a good idea and still get it wrong.
Yep.
The Real ID Act was passed by Congress way back in May 2005 in order to enhance security in the aftermath of 9/11. Can you imagine how much taxpayer money was soaked-up by governments, lobbyists, consultants (and their in-laws) in the TWENTY years since then and now?
Yet I knew…
I just fucking knew…
I just fucking knew that the California Department of Motor Vehicles was going to get it wrong.
Everyone Has Awful California DMV Experiences
I never figured there would be a worse California DMV experience than what happened when I arranged a family transfer of vehicles just prior to the pandemic at AAA, which is a model of efficiency and awesomeness. A little paperwork, a few clicks, new plates and tags: ka-boom! Done!
Except the DMV’s computers failed to record the transactions…
For years we had legitimately issued California license plates and tags that neither the DMV nor any license plate readers flagged. Not even smog-testing notices! It wasn’t until the end of the pandemic that I discovered the mess when arranging another vehicle transaction.
If you think that’s nuts, try explaining it to the California DMV…
It took a caseworker with my then-State Assemblymember’s office months to fix.
So I Uploaded My Documents for a Real ID
On paper, the DMV had the right idea. Upload documents to verify your identity in advance of arriving for your appointment to get your Real ID.
Except its technology wouldn’t process my utility bill, because it couldn’t discern between the street address and mailing address.
“No problem,” the DMV phone rep told me. “Just bring your documents with you to the appointment.”
April 21st, 2025 at 9:10am.
Later, I wanted to see whether an earlier time was available because I was going to LA Mayor Karen Bass’s “State of the City” event.
Yeah. Bad idea. And a big mistake.
That’s when I encountered “Myles,” the fucktard name given to its interactive phone system. What genius consultant chose that name, Myles, and how much were they paid???
Get it??? Myles/Miles
I answered in the affirmative when Myles asked me if I wanted me to see what other times might be available, which was when he:
Released my appointment without asking me
Said it didn’t have other available appointments
Said, “due to high call volume, there are no available representatives. Please call back at another time.”
Disconnected the call.
Not that I was surprised.
It’s the California DMV.
I went to the DMV’s website to book another appointment, even if it meant driving to another location. There, the DMV touts another good idea: its “Get In Line” option.
Theoretically, if your local DMV office has available bandwidth that day, this function allows you to virtually “get in line” without an appointment before going there.
In reality, every time I chose the time it offered, it responded “that time is no longer available.”
Screw that. I would just book another appointment. But instead of April, it had nothing until July. And don’t dare ask whether DMV locations are open on Saturday!
One inept DMV interaction after another got me nowhere. By this time, my current driver’s license had expired.
Think the LAPD would have liked that, had I not come to a full and complete stop at an intersection???
Life with an expired driver’s license is an interesting experience. You can’t get a prescription. You can’t use the DMV kiosk at the supermarket. You can’t do a lot of things.
Suddenly, walking into a DMV office was my best (and awful) option. I didn’t have my documents to get the Real ID, which I no longer wanted. Fuck it. I’ll get it another time.
I just needed to get my driver’s license renewed.
Luckily, I beat a crowd which soon wrapped around the building on a balmy afternoon. After waiting an hour, reading the eye chart through the smudged and yellowing lucite cough-screen hanging between the DMV clerk and myself, I got a temporary paper license and my photo taken with my frazzled and finger-combed hair.
The only thing that the California DMV did well was take my payment.
When I emailed the DMV’s media relations people to see how many complaints they’re having with the Real ID process, I responded to each of their questions.
But they never responded to any of mine.
Just buckets of malarkey, as Joe Biden might say.
There is a sign hanging outside of my local DMV location.
It says that as of June 3rd, it will no longer process license and registration renewals and other services, all of which can be done online.
In theory.
“Enjoy a new DMV digital experience,” it promises.
After failing on all cylinders (get it???) they may want to rethink that.
(Daniel Guss, MBA, won the LA Press Club’s “Online Journalist of the Year” and “Best Activism Journalism” awards in June ‘23. In June ‘24, he won its “Best Commentary, Non-Political” award. He has contributed to the Daily Mail, CityWatchLA, KFI AM-640, iHeartMedia, 790-KABC, Cumulus Media, KCRW 89.9 FM, KRLA 870 AM, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Daily News, Los Angeles Magazine, Movieline Magazine, Emmy Magazine, Los Angeles Business Journal, Pasadena Star-News, Los Angeles Downtown News and the Los Angeles Times in its sports, opinion, entertainment and Sunday Magazine sections among other publishers.)